


People Like Me Want To Believe You, When You Say You've Changed

by mukedayparade



Series: You Made A Really Deep Cut [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Happy Ending, M/M, Muke - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-09
Updated: 2014-12-09
Packaged: 2018-02-28 13:16:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2733965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mukedayparade/pseuds/mukedayparade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>you were all I wanted, but not like this</p><p>or,</p><p>the one when luke is dying without michael, but doesn't want to give in and forgive him</p>
            </blockquote>





	People Like Me Want To Believe You, When You Say You've Changed

**Author's Note:**

> ok so I got a lot of requests for a part two and people who were very upset with how sadly I ended the first part so here's part two! (I edited it once but there might be one or two mistakes sorry)

It'd been 6 weeks of Michael and Luke avoiding each other. 6 weeks of awkward exchanges, weirdness on stage, not associating with each other in interviews.

And Luke was _dying_. 

The whole public knew about what had happened between the two boys by now, and Luke could barely go an hour without some sort of question about the breakup. And the one that stood out in his mind the most, the one that continued to show up and pester at him over and over, was:  _is the breakup for good?_

He didn't know.

Of course, Luke wanted to say yes. He wanted to tell everyone he was better off, that he didn't want Michael after what he'd done to him. But that was just a blatant _lie_.

Michael fielded as many questions in interviews as possible, trying to make sure Luke had to deal with the least amount of it as he had to. And, shit, that just made Luke love him _more_. 

It hurt every time Luke went to bed and didn't have Michael's warm arms around him, making him feel safe. He'd been feeling a lot more homesick lately, and he realized it was because Michael _was_ home. The realization made him feel like crying, or throwing up. Maybe both.

He'd found himself crawling into bed with Ashton a lot more lately, craving someone'a arms around him. But he just ended up feeling empty when he did, when the awful realization hit him that no one was the same as Michael. 

Calum had been rooming with Michael, as they'd been best friends practically their whole lives, and Ashton with Luke, as they were like brothers, to avoid awkwardness. Luke wondered how long this would go on for.

A day didn't go by when Michael didn't apologize, just as a day didn't go by that Luke told him to stop, before disappearing to have a break down. He'd managed to give a decent appearance of being fine, of holding it together. Even the boys didn't know that Luke was constantly crying when he disappeared to "use the bathroom" or "call his mum". 

He didn't want anyone to know how much he missed Michael. Not even Cal and Ash.

Today was a particularly bad day, and Luke had woken up not wanting to ever leave the safety of his bed. When Ash had come over to try to wake him up, Luke had simply whimpered and rolled back over, burying himself under the covers.

Ashton had eventually succeeded in getting him up for the interview they had, and Luke had attempted to make himself look like he didn't want to die. But he ended up just pulling on sweats and leaving his hair flat against his forehead, so he hadn't really succeeded in that.

When they'd gotten to the interview, the hair and makeup people had desperately tried to make Luke look presentable in the little time they had. But all they had managed was fixing his hair into a quiff and putting on makeup to hide the dark circles under his eyes.

"Luke, honey, please tell me you brought other clothes." The stylist begged, biting her lip.

Luke looked down at his lap and shook his head. "I–I'm sorry. I was just, uh, tired this morning and..."

"Oh, sweetie. It's okay, it's okay. We'll just direct the camera above your pants so no one sees, yeah?"

He nodded and bit his lip as hard as he could, swallowing back his tears. Some days were just a lot worse than others.

They sat in the same order they had for the past 6 weeks; Luke, then Ashton, then Calum, then Michael. The two exes as far from each other as possible. As much as he hated himself for it, Luke ached for the days when he'd sit beside Michael and their fingers would intertwine. He didn't know what to do with his hands anymore. 

The interview went smoothly for the first 10 minutes or so, just some talk about the new album and the tour they were currently on. It was going fine...until it wasn't.

"So, Michael and Luke, trouble in paradise, we've heard?"

Luke bit his lip, nodding and fiddling with the hem of his pants. 

"We were all so sorry to hear about what happened. How are you two holding up?"

Luke cleared his throat, giving the same answer he had for the past 6 weeks: "I'm fine. We aren't letting it affect the band."

And Michael gave a similar one to what he always did: "I miss him, but like he said, we're not going to let it affect the band. I messed up, it's my fault. And I'd do anything to turn back time and undo it."

The audience awed at that, as usual. And Luke wanted, shit he really wanted, to just do what he always did. To just let it go, act like it didn't affect him. But today he just couldn't. 

So he was adjusting his shirt and fiddling with his thumbs and doing _anything_  to keep from crying. He would not cry on live television. 

"So I suppose I must ask the question _everyone_ wants to know," the interviewer said, grinning, as if he knew how much it hurt Luke, "is this for good? Is this the end of Muke Clemmings?"

"I–" Michael started, but the man cut him off.

"You know Michael, we've heard from you a lot on this topic lately. I think everyone is _dying_ to know what _Luke_ thinks, aren't we?" He turned around to look at the audience, who all cheered. "So, Luke? Is this it?"

Luke took a deep breath, looking up at the interviewer.

"I don't know, if I'm being honest."

The whole crowd collectively gasped, and Luke would've rolled his eyes at how cliche it was, if not for the burning of tears in the backs of them.

"What do you mean? I do believe we were all under the impression that you were done with Muke forever."

Luke took in a shaky breath, trying to calm himself. He bit his lip and briefly closed his eyes, gathering himself together.

"I don't know what will happen in the future, Gary. I'd like to say I'm done, because what Michael did hurt me more than anything ever has. But I don't know what will happen in the future. And as much as I'd like to say I'm over it and it doesn't hurt anymore, I miss him too. And it hurts a lot." 

As soon as the last words slipped from his mouth, Luke wished he could go back in time. This was what he'd been avoiding the whole time, this was what he'd tried to keep hidden. He'd just blown his whole cover. He didn't want to be the vulnerable loser ex who missed his boyfriend even after he cheated on him, that was _not_ who Luke wanted to be to the public. And after he'd done so much to hide it, here he was spilling everything out on national television. 

The whole room was silent for a minute, and Luke wished he could just run out of there and never come back. Maybe just fling himself off a bridge or something.

"Luke, wow. So you do think there could be a future? You miss him and he misses you."

Luke wanted to throw up, he wanted to curl up in a ball and just _hide_ forever. Most of all he wanted Michael to hold him and tell him it'd be okay.

"Look, I think that's enough. Can we please move on?" Michael's voice spoke up instead of Luke's, clearly done with this guy's interrogation. The one thing that Michael had consistently done throughout the last 6 weeks was protecting Luke from nosy interviewers. He knew more than anyone how sensitive Luke was.

"But–"

"I said, let's move on. If you want to ask questions about the breakup, ask me. Not Luke. It was _my_ fault, not his. He doesn't deserve any of this shit."  

"Well then! Okay, moving on, uh..."

The rest of the interview only lasted a few more minutes, before the boys were thankfully ushered off stage. They all piled into the van and rode back to the hotel, Luke quietly sitting in the back, his eyes trained on the seat in front of him. He was trying his hardest to keep in everything until they got back.

And when they did, he immediately excused himself and went into his and Ashton's bathroom, closing the door. He sat down on the floor, wrapping his arms around his legs and pulling them against his chest, and burying his face in his knees. 

And that's when he finally let his tears come.

They flowed down his cheeks as his body shook with sobs, trying to breathe as best as he could. How could he have been so _stupid_? No one was supposed to know, and Michael _certainly_ wasn't supposed to. 

He missed him so much it physically hurt. He felt like a piece of his heart was missing, like it was partly hollow. He craved Michael's arms around him, Michael's lips on his own, Michael's body pressed against him. He wanted to scream at him for ruining everything, for getting rid of the best thing that ever happened to Luke. 

He hated Michael for ruining everything, he hated him for breaking Luke's heart, but he hated _himself_ the most, for giving up so quickly. 

He kept trying so hard to _stop crying_ , to _calm down_ , but he just couldn't. He could barely breathe and the tears kept coming and he couldn't _do_ this anymore. He missed Michael and he _needed_ Michael and he was sick of being alone. 

He'd kept telling Michael that sorry wouldn't fix this, that nothing could undo what he'd done. But the truth was he loved him, no matter what. Even if he hated himself for it.

"Fucking idiot!" He yelled into the empty bathroom, pulling his legs closer to himself. He didn't even know who it was directed at: Michael, himself, or a little of both.

"Luke? You okay?" 

The sobbing boy looked up as Ashton pushed the door open and walked in a little. The older one gaped at the sight in front of him, as Luke tried desperately to make himself look like he wasn't just having a meltdown.

"I–I–"

"Oh Luke." Ash sat down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. Luke rested his head on the older boy's shoulder, sniffling.

"Sorry. Thought you were in the other boys' room."

"It's fine, Luke. Don't apologize."

"I–I'm supposed to be fine. I'm not supposed want him b–back." Luke's voice cracked on the last word, a sob escaping his throat.

"Luke, you're not _supposed_ to be anything. If you want him back, that's what you want. No one expected you to just forget about the whole relationship."

"But I can't want him back, Ash! He–he broke my heart. He ruined everything. I told him I was done, I'm not supposed to want him back!"

"Oh, Luke." Ash frowned slightly, rubbing the younger's back lightly. "I'm not going to tell you to take him back, because that isn't up to me. But I will tell you that no one would judge you if you did."

Luke sniffled and nodded, choking back another sob.

"I just–I feel so lost without him, y'know? Like I need him to live."

Ashton smiled softly and nodded. "I know, Luke. That's how you two have always been."

"But...but everything's different now! How are we supposed to keep going when I know what he did? How am I supposed to kiss him when I know he kissed  _him_? How can I ever look at him the same?"

"That's up to you. The damage has been done, no one can undo it. But it's up to you to decide whether your relationship is worth enough to move past it." 

Luke nodded, sniffling and wiping his nose. 

"Okay. Yeah, okay. Thank you, Ash. Really."

Ashton smiled softly at him, giving his shoulders one last squeeze before getting up off the floor.

"Come out when you're ready. I'll be in the others' room."

Luke nodded as Ashton retreated, the door shutting softly behind him. And now it was up to Luke.

***

Luke nervously knocked on the door to Calum and Michael's room, running a hand through his flat hair. He was shaking, from his hands to his feet, and he wasn't sure he could do this. He took a deep breath.

"Hey Luke, come in." Calum have him a huge smile, pulling him into a quick hug. Since the breakup, the two boys hadn't had much time together; Ashton stuck with Luke and Calum stuck with Michael.

Luke followed the other boy into his room, to where the other two boys were sat on the floor, talking quietly. Luke took note of just how _sad_ Michael looked. It made Luke's heart hurt.

"Look who came out of hiding." Calum announced, sounding overly cheery.

Michael kept his eyes on the ground as Ashton patted the spot beside him for Luke to sit. He dropped onto the ground, and Calum sat across from him.

Luke still had not stopped shaking.

The boys–or really just Calum and Ashton–chatted for a bit, trying to break the awkwardness. The four of them had barely spent time all together lately.

After about ten minutes of sitting there, Luke decided he needed to get this done now or he'd never do it. So he took a deep breath and spoke up.

"H–hey, can I t–talk to Michael? A–alone?" Luke wanted to kick himself for how much his voice shook.

"Of course Luke, yeah." Ashton quickly got up, shooting Calum a look, and Calum followed. "We'll be in our room, yeah?"

Luke nodded, taking shaky deep breaths. 

The other two disappeared out the door. And they were alone.

The two were silent for a while, each avoiding eye contact with the other. Finally, after an absurd amount of silence, Michael spoke up.

"So, what did you want to talk about?"

Luke inhaled sharply, not expecting him to speak. He bit his lip and took breaths in through his nose, going over his words in his head again.

"Okay, um. So."

Michael nodded encouragingly, telling him to continue.

"So, you heard today what I said, in the interview. A–and it's true. I miss you, so _so_ much. And it hurts, more every single fucking day. It hurts _so much_ , Michael. It's–it's like someone took a piece of my heart and ripped it out of my chest, and now part of me is missing. But worse, because it also feels like the empty part is, like, on fire. Or being stabbed repeatedly. Or something else painful. It just, it hurts."

Luke took another deep breath, running his hand through his hair. His eyes were still glued on the floor, avoiding looking at Michael.

"So. I, uh, Ashton found me in the bathroom earlier. I was, like, crying. A lot." He winced at the confession, but plowed on. "He sat with me and we talked for a bit, and he said something that really stuck with me. He told me that it was up to me to decide whether our relationship was worth enough to move past what happened. What you did."

He was silent for a minute, closing his eyes tightly as he debated whether he wanted to do this. Could he do this?

"S–so. I thought about it. A–and I thought about the last 4 years. And about how much we put into it, and how much h–happiness it brought me. It brought us both. And I thought, like, is it worth it? To just  move past it and try to rebuild it all, you know?"

Luke sighed shakily, closing his eyes briefly before finally looking up at Michael. He stared into his eyes, and–shit–he was home.

"It is." Luke's voice was barely a whisper, but Michael heard it perfectly.

"Y–you mean it?" Michael finally spoke up again.

Luke nodded. "It's worth it. You're worth it. _We_ 're worth it." 

"Oh my god. Lukey."

Tears were filling Michael's eyes, and, okay, Luke had some in his as well. Michael quickly crawled over to _his_ Luke, pulling him into his arms. Luke tucked his face into Michael's shoulder, breathing in deeply, tears slipping out of his eyes.

"Fuck, I love you _so_ much. Th–thank you, Lukey. Thank you for giving me another chance."

And then they were both crying and smiling and laughing and just _holding_ each other. Because they _could_ again. 

"I love you, so so much, Mikey."

"I'm never going to hurt you again, ever. I promise."

"Don't say things you can't take back, Michael." Luke giggled, mocking what Michael'd said when they broke up.

"Hey, shut up! That's not funny, asshole."  

Luke laughed, crawling into Michael's lap and wrapping his arms around his neck. And, wow, if this wasn't home, he didn't know what was.

"Hey, Lukey?"

"Mm?" Luke's face was nuzzled into Michael's neck, leaving little kisses there.

"I love you. More than, like, anything in the whole world. More than music, or the band, or video games, or whatever. I just...I love you a lot, yeah?"

Luke's face was flaming red and covered by a huge smile, as he nodded into his _boyfriend's_ neck. 

"I love you too, Mikey. So _so_ much."

And then their lips were pressed together in the softest of kisses, and Michael was peppering pecks over Luke's face, and Luke was laughing and pushing him off half-heartedly, telling him to stop but not meaning it at all. Because he had his Michael back and nothing else really mattered now. 


End file.
